Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Pictures from Cedar Point....first up --> the theme park!! and some rides, not all.

Monday, November 20, 2006

on a day like this, after the past few days like those, i really wanna talk to D & J. except that D & J are not around :( u guys will listen to me rant, give advice, or at least and most importantly, say or do something to make me laugh and cheer me up...but michigan and toronto are really too far away........

isn't it common sense that our brain controls what we say because it first controls what we think? seems commonsensical enough, but that's not really how our grey matter works. unfortunately. true, the left hemisphere is dominantly in charge of retrieving this word and that word and stringing them together "so that you can make a decent utterance". but if that's all there is to making conversation then we would be saying ridiculous incoherent stuff....like all the time! reason being...there ain't nothing to organise those thoughts and put them into coherent speech.

so of course there is a control centre to vet what comes outta your mouth; to tell you that you shouldn't say this because it's rude or nonsensical or disrespectful, or that it's not fair to say this to the other person just because you are angry or irritated or not feeling well etc. Unfortunately (again), humans can be reckless in the same way human brains can be reckless. so without waiting for the control centre (prefrontal cortex i think??) to 'advise' you on the appropriateness of your words, the broca's area just spits the words outta your mouth. and that starts the oops-i-shouldn't-have-said-that-phenomenon that we encounter all so often.

this has been happening quite a bit lately, yes it only shows that i'mnot thinking fast enough..or if you like, i'm not thinking. and it's been happening to my friend too. my dear girl, do cheer up, let's not let this sorta stuff get us too down ok?

i'm not trying to justify the seemingly stupid things i've said before. just that in alot of cases, there are stimuli that evoke such responses where you feel something and then you just speak based on how you feel at that moment. and everything goes downhill from there, and it's ALL YOUR OWN FAULT. it's not ALWAYS my fault everytime you know.

regardless of whose fault it is, fault or no fault, no i don't believe that it's a god-given-right to girls only for them to throw any little girl's temper as and when they wish, with or without reason. like i've said, there's gotta be something that provoked it, be it words or attitude or tone of voice or whatever. those guilty of this would know what i mean.

is it fair then, that everything that goes wrong is one person's fault because that person made it your fault? in short, IS EVERYTHING HER FREAKING FAULT?! sounds easy to say it's your fault, u made it like that, so i'm just gong to leave you alone and go do my thing, and when you feel like you're ready to admit your mistake, u can come look for me and we'll see how things go from there. sounds easy doesn't it.

why do people say stuff to hurt others? why do people say stuff to elicit hurtful/angry/unpleasant comments from others? why. why. why. at the end of the day, does everyone involved feel good? of course there are some people who somehow don't feel bad (dunno if they feel good), but i should think that usually, normal people wouldn't?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

what does it feel like to have an inkling of an idea that a year from now, things may be so different from now? the people you see around you now...the people you turn to now...will they be the same people a year from now? will these particular people still play the same role in your life a year from now? will you be staying in the same house a year from now? the ones that you grew up looking at...will they still be there for you to look at when you're grown up?

maybe not.

nothing aptly describes this unsettling feel of total uncertainty of what the future holds. why? it's so upsetting, right down to the littlest bit of your heart and the tiniest bit of your head. thinking about it makes your heart wrench so badly, in the same way you wring a sponge, where water just flows out till the sponge is dehydrated. not thinking about it just seems so anal. you wish you never knew how to think or remember or predict sometimes. if only the hippocampus and amygdala and basal ganglia would edit such unhappiness.

how one can be so harsh..
how one can be so bias..
how one would rather spend time with a certain group instead of another..
esp when one knew the neglected ones earlier..
so much earlier..
how the neglected ones would be thought to be the most important ones..
how one doesn't think before speaking or acting..
how one assumes it wouldn't hurt anybody..
how one has changed..
how one seems a great deal of emotional-miles away now..
how one never believes the self to be at fault..
how one induces doubt and certainty in others..
how one doesn't know all these.

"com is better than us"
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..?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

I wore the 2004 bizcom bash tee during dinner today...the bash was Breakout 912 at zouk on sept 12, duh..hence the numbers in the name..

junlong saw my tee, pointed to it, and said............: "Breakout ah?!".

ya...breakout. really bad too.

boo. boo. booooooooooo.

Friday, November 03, 2006