Sunday, October 24, 2004

its a cool sunday morning, the birds are chirping and the blue sky is dotted with puffs of white sheep. ok sounds weird but anyway just thot i'd write something that i wanted to note down yesterday, then go do some work after this.

did a run yesterday at bishan park, was about 1.7k, not a lot i know (sigh) anyway, its a good start :) saw this group of girls and guys having rugby training, not sure if its touch or contact, but they were doing the basic 'forward pass' as their coach called it. he's a fierce guy. well, anyway, on my way to bishan park and back from there, there was this slope along st. nics to run past. the band music i heard from those girls brought back heaps and loads of wonderfully beautiful memories of band in sec sch and jc.

though they were having individual practice or sectionals maybe, there was the distinct sounds of muted french horns, the light airy flutes, the woody clarinets (!!!!!!), the bold trumpets, the sexy saxophones, oh man, listening to all that again just made me realise how MUCH i really miss band. how much i miss practices, my clarinet, the 3/1/2 reeds, the experience of sitting in the middle of harmonious sounds and melodies that were large and powerful yet articulate and well-tongued, the feeling of having lips so red and raw after consecutive days of tedious practices before competitions and performances. I Miss Band!!!

much as i wanna play again, doubt there's actually gonna be any chance to, unless maybe if vjcsb has some 'alumni' thingy planned for NSSN this december. Maybe. or maybe, like what veron said, we could go join an outside band, not that i know where to find one in the first place. oh well, just a thought.

met daniel yesterday at raffles city cos i wanted to borrow his fmath mechanics notes, hoping they Might help physics in some way. was talking to him halfway when these 2 girls called me, think it was a case of brain-lag, but i was just staring at them for so long, till i realised they were junejoo and shellen...shellen cut her hair! (thats why i couldnt recognise her) then i saw the whole gang of tingjun, ben, baorong, yiming, ales coming from behind...what a coincidence.

i decided to read the notes on essay writing for my film paper due next next monday(!!) and realised that i've got a lot alot alot of stuff and preparation to do and i'd seriously better get started on it if i want to produce a decent piece of writing. current update: have yet to decide on which film to focus on, no research done, no inkling whatsoever on the theme of the paper. time is precious, gotta get moving before i encounter sleepless nights again.

Saturday, October 23, 2004

this is my 5th attempt at blogging tonight: the first 2 and the previous one were crashed cos my com hanged up on me. i accidentally deleted my 3rd one. Argh...

today has been an absolutely FaBuLous day!! hooray to today!

had breakfast with jas at arts this morning. i ate 1 prata. jas was hungry, or rather, she had a craving for prata, so she ate 2. she told me something i didnt know nor expect: apparrently i said something and someone completely misinterpreted it from head to toe. sigh~ i asked jas to help me clarify it with that person...

i went to smu for the first time today! its a beautiful place i like it :) 151 took 20 minutes to get there, thats fast i had no idea smu was so near. then there was this long long walk from the bus stop past the track and up the hill to the accoutnancy block where i was supposed to meet gwen for lunch. the first person (after gwen) i saw after that was guess who? Paul! he's this guy 1 year my senior from vj, wun call him "my senior" exactly because well, i don't know him. we were walking towards the eating area and this flight of spiral stairs when Whoa! Paul walked down the steps...all 3 of us were momentarily stunned i think at this coincidental occurance haha. that was a really really extremely pleasant surprise today :) :) :) :) :) haha 5 smiles!

the last time i saw paul was at the vj fun fair ealier this year. thats been quite some time already. but he still looks the same, did not change much, still looks like the same cute guy we all knew from vj.

i think i've mentioned this before, but isnt it weird how sometimes we think that we've forgotten about something, or rather given up on remembering That thing/event/person, yet when we are exposed to that teeny wee bit of stuff that somehow can be linked back to That thing/event/person, those retrieval cues are actually able to evoke and literally 'revive' the feelings we had back then towards That thing/event/person? kinda like those memories and emotions were locked up in this mysterious crate which was kept at the most behind part of the back of our heads, only to have exposure to wee bits of retrieval cues release them all, back into our memory, heart and mind. after its release, amazingly, u can recall practically Every bit of the whole process of going through that event or meeting that person, with every jolt back to yesteryear accompanied by that oh-so-familiar tinge of butterflies in the stomach, anxiety, instantaneous happiness and what-not.

makes you wonder why you gave up thinking and remembering in the first place and how u possibly did that.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

this morning was psyc test, 50 mcq doesnt sound so bad really, but it does get worse when u see words like "discrimination learning is to generalization...." and u realise that u barely haf a clue on what discrimination learning is all about, with or without retreival clues, sigh~ then there were those few questions based on the readings, more specifically, the readings that i didn read. oops. well, hope it turns out ok, plus there's no negative marking! no minusing of marks for wrong answers yay!

its been a weird day, started off average-ly with a test, ended the sch day with a really fun physics prac (for once i really enjoyed it) with the tuning fork and stuff like that related to notes and pitch, and ending the night with a really silly act...

i misread the date for this october-bday celelebration thingy, supposed to be this friday but i thought it was monday, and i replied the guy in charge that i cant make it on monday because of lecture and i sent that email to the whole bizcom yahoo groups...!!Yikes! so silly. after that, weijie called me blur over smn, yewmun called me blur via sms, joochuan called me silly on msn...aiyo ;/

though i haf yet to go talk to my fren and settle the problem, it seems that its slightly better (comparatively at least) this week, oh well, what can i say:

erin 9:45 PM

Saturday, October 16, 2004

we always learn new stuff.

i learnt something new today. something related to what i've been thinking of for an awfully trying period. something i never thought of at all when considering all the possible possibilities.

we all haf different ways of dealing with circumstances, internal and/or external. how we deal with the situation would affect no one at best, but that's rare. more often than not, u'll get affected by it and the worst is if u affect those around you while dealing with it. thats sad.

one person was kind of involved, emotionally physically, in this situation which involved other pple, or person rather. this person din want to continue being involved and din want to risk sinking deeper and deeper into the situation. instead of doing an internal shuffle to allow the situation to persist, just not in such an intense way, this person actually chose to pull out of it completely, emotionally physically. why this person chose that route i'm still wondering. the thing is that when this person pulled out entirely, pple around were affected somehow negatively, in a not so nice sort of manner. not nice. not good. not helpful to the situation. at all.

and now, those around who were affected are thinking of confronting this person. i think it should be done asap, to avoid having this person moving back any further and affecting them and the situation anymore than he already has.

some pple haf not been in a good mood lately. wish i could do something. bing's complaining that sha and i are neglecting her..and that she's super stressed in sch. well, guess wat: the 2 of us are super stressed too..wish she could think that way.

my whole weekend is gonna be like this: stuffing my head with memory, stuffing my head with intelligence, stuffing my head with child development. how exciting. i enjoy learning such stuff, i honestly do. but i need more time to get all that info into my head..i'm not a walking sponge. i feel so mentally inadequate, my brain doesn seem to absorb info as well as before, my mind doesn seem to be able to throw away all distractions and concentrate as well as before..i could do those pretty well in secondary sch. i din really haf to do that much in jc, cos math fmath physics chemistry really onli require formulas and a calculator, (and abit of words).

i'm tired, i dun like dealing with such complicated stuff. actually objectively and logically speaking, things are really not that bad. but add in emotions and ka-boom! things are bigger than they appear to be. i'm gonna do something next week. something that i've been thinking of doing for quite a while, but just didnt dare to for fear of the process and outcome of it. sha gave me that boost of courage to go do it, and i shall. just get it over and done with, and hopefully it would help matters.

erin 9:10 PM

Monday, October 11, 2004

gotten back my physics test results...better than i expected but still horrible adn horribly demoralising overall...its 5/20. i expected 3/20...

re-did the test questions, and i could get 11 correct!!! ok, at least that's the little bit of encouragement there that i'm not only at 5 marks. but still!!

yayy, finally meeting missy on wed for dinner! havent seen her ever since i stopped working 4+ months ago. of all the interns i worked with, she's really the only one i got closer to, the only one i can really talk nonsense and serious stuff to, and one of the 2 i really keep in contact with now. quite glad too, that the other intern i'm quite close to is in my tut class and in arts also! yea anyway, i can imagine that on wed, we'll just be talking and talking and talking non-stop bout what's happened the past 4 months :) really looking forward to it.

erin 11:36 AM

Friday, October 08, 2004

its 5.59pm on a late friday afternoon with really fantastic weather and i am still in school, though my lessons ended 8 hours ago!!!! feel like a dead piece of meat where physics is concerned. the lecturer showed us the stats for test on thurs, the lowest score was 2/20-->1 person; 3/20-->2 people. i thought i knew who the 2 marks person was, but apparrently not. well, i know 1 of the 2 pple who scored 3/20 for the test....sadly.

just went through the whole paper again, re-attempted each of the 20 questions. i got 10 questions correct. goodness!!!!!! wat was i doing during the test??!! this sux big time. but the lecturer said that since the test wasnt easy, the exam would not be difficult. sounds slightly comforting till u realise that if the exam is not so tough, alot more people would be able to score and the bell curve will shift upwards......

elang lecture this morning was, as agreed by jasmine and i, completely mind-boggling. actually it wasnt so bad save for the fact that she had 2 hours of sleep and i had 3.5 hours last night..sleepy pple here.

had lunch with veronica at the grinning gecko, cool place honestly cos i;ve never eaten there before. had pan-fried dory fish with mash potatoes and she had a tuna sandwich. both were not bad and the prices are realtively good too :)

met shalynn yewmun junxian for lunch at biz canteen. can barely remember the last time the 4 of us sat down for a meal together like that. things were generally ...ok... junxian's hair is still soo short, haha. but at least he hasnt changed much in other aspects.

it is really a small world, or rather a small singapore. paul from bizcom has this fren from the same jc who is in our sch now. and that guy is my grandma's brother's son, so that makes him my uncle. how coincidental is that?? haha. there's more to come. he is in the same course as shalynn and is actually sha's tutorial mate!!!! oh goodness...how coincidental can things possibly get?? we were so tickled by it.

erin 5:59 PM

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

somehow, i feel that this week has been exerting less pressure on me, as of now at least, and as compared to the previous weeks. sadly, this week started on a demoralised note: physics test at 8am on monday morning was a horrendous killer paper. was so stunned by some (or most rather) of the questions i really cud just sit there and stare at the words and figures and pictures of wheels and blocks and spheres on inclines. never haf i felt so hopeless during a physics test, never haf i been so confident that i wun even get more than 6 correct (out of 20). should haf declared it as s/u module but too late, learnt my lesson, no more such stuff. i talked to rochelle on msn at the yih cblc after the test that morning, told her how demoralised i was, and she said stuff that made me feel a little better. her nick alone was enuff to make me feel that bit betta already, she was "joy to the world, all the boys and girls" or something along that line, cant quite remember.

daniel tan msged me in the afternoon bout 3.45 and told me stuff that immediately planted a smile on my face. he asked me to check the straits times :) yea i did when i got home, was quite surprised to see a familiar face that came with an article bout a cookie shop. first thing i did after reading it was to call shalynn and tell her bout it.

sha said that bing wasn feeling too good, not that she's sick but just dun feel good. i'm gg to call her and talk to her, hope to make her feel better tho i cant quite come up with any solution for her at the moment. havent talked to her for ages it seems to me, i miss bing alot, havent seen her for donkey years also...

1 thing i've noticed is that pple in uni are diff from those in jc, or at least diff from my classmates. by 'different' i dun just mean their characters, but more importantly, the intangible concepts that are significant to them. its really different. in 02s32, everybody was open to it and there were certainly no violent objections to it whatsoever, but now, things have changed.

erin 11:00 PM

Friday, October 01, 2004

its 12.04pm on friday, and i've just printed out my project for elang - on the use of madam, sir, ma'am in singapore by singaporeans. yayy!!!!! finally can strike off one item on the to-do list :) jocelyn and i are really glad its over..

its friday mid-day. though i dun haf any more lessons after my elang lect which ended 2 hours ago, there's still another assignment to submit before gg home to sleep. physics tutorial...its killing me, honestly. was up till 3.30am yesterday trying as hard as possible to utilise every brain cell and every inch of the grey matter (or issit white?!) in my head...to make sense of what the questions wanted. i've done questions 1-3, with abit of help from yewmun with Q2...i cant start on Q4 cos i haf absolutely no no clue whatsoever how to do so, and i can't understand what Q5 is asking!!!! its gotta be in by 5.30pm today, HeLp!!!!!

physics is stressing me out the MOST. if 5 questions from a tutorial can stump me like that, i dunno what the test on monday is capable of.

k, gotta go submit my completed project (!!!)

erin 1:04 PM