Sunday, May 15, 2005

too many things have been happening lately. too many for comfort. my comfort, your comfort.

i'm sorry that things have ended up like this at this point in time though it's only been a couple of months. but like what i said earlier, i dun like to continue doing something or getting myself involved in something that i'm not sure of. something that i've uncertainties about regarding the start, middle and future. something that i dunno which direction i'm heading in.

my english name oughta be extended to erin-indecisive. i can't help it! much as i want to be independent like so many other people out there, in making decisions, in carrying out tasks, in genuinely thinking about goals and directions, in making life-altering (somewhat...) changes, there's this inner inclination to depend and put aside.

Depend on others to decide for me, to give me hints and help buttons along the way so that i'll supposedly have lesser responsibility.

Put Aside issues when they evolve from straightforward and simple to complicated and confusing and questionable. that's just erin-ish. i know it's not good to keep doing that cos no problems can actually solve themselves that way. but that is way easier than facing the issue and working through it from head-to-toe and see if i can reduce the problem-rating to a big fat 0. it's just plain avoidance i say.

back to U: give me some time, i have to think this through carefully. it's about giving and taking and it's not fair to just give and receive so little in return. i don't want to shortchange you cos you deserve better than that. i'm sorry.

another pressing issue just got complicated. again. i don't even know where to start with this one. pardon me for my frank opinions here but is it fair to emphasize on the flaws of others and their wrongs and apparent wrongs when it takes 2 hands to clap? we are given 2 ears so that we can listen to both sides of the story, both sides of the coin, even if these 2 sides are utterly contrasting with each other. isn't it?

i've seen friendships go down the drain and experienced a couple myself. trust me on this: it really sux big time. a friend has said before that he has no expectations of the girl he was going after (they're happily together now) because everything she does for him is a Bonus.

i think it would be great if we can apply that to relationships other than those involving romance. it's inevitable that we have expectations of this person and that person because we care about them, because these are the people we deem important and significant in our lives and because these are the people that have made differences in our lives and we love them.

but expectations can be, bluntly said, suffocating. let's all not expect too much of those around us shall we? this world will be a happier place to live in.

i really have no wish to see the closeness between 2 people be broken up and flushed down the toiletbowl like that. i know the 2 of personally, and it's heartbreaking to see that happen. i hope it would never. Acceptance is important in any relationship, difficult as it may be alot of times. no more exchange of cutting remarks and pointing fingers. believe everyone is tired of that.

it would be wonderful if problems can come equipped with solutions in an answer booklet. hmm maybe not so wonderful, but the answer manual will be useful sometimes. i don't ever want to write another post like this one. let's hope i won't have to ever :)